Five Finger Death Punch‘s Ivan Moody has once again opened up about his struggles with alcohol addiction in a new video on Instagram. Moody revelead that he nearly died due to an alcohol-related seizure and woke up surrounded by EMTs and his daughter holding him while crying. He also admitted that he went to rehab five times before the last time finally stuck.
Moody’s near-death experience was recounted in band’s music video for the song “The Tragic Truth”, released last week to coincide with Ivan’s 42nd birthday.
Moody said in the video: “The question that keeps coming up more often than not is about my death. First off, was it real? Yes. I tried to quit drinking by myself, on my own, for four days, and the fourth day my body shut down, I went into seizure and I died. I was handing my daughter a glass of water one second, and we’ll get into the next.
“Two, what did I see? Now, for you to hear this, for one you have to ask yourself, do you believe in life after death? I myself grew up a skeptic — very science ridden. Half of my family was Christian and the other half was Catholic, so from the get-go I was confused, and I found holes in the system all the way through it. Organized religion was never something I really bought in to. Needless to say, rebel as I do, I went hunting for answers. Far and wide, theology became my thing. I studied everything from Buddhism to paganism, Wicca — which is still very close to my heart, as a lot of you know — and Satanism. No, not the stuff you see on TV — not sacrificing cats and enchantments and shit like that — the real work; the stuff that actually includes empathy. But that’s a whole another story; we won’t go there. Needless to say, it all became moot at one point when I died. It was nothing like anything that you think or that I thought for that matter or could have imagined. There was no light.”
Ivan added: “I told Zoltan it was like becoming a part of the universal hum — complete peace. It wasn’t cold; it wasn’t hot. There was no burden of any sort. And for a brief second, I was free. And all these memories, which is, I’m assuming, why people say your life goes flashing before your eyes, started flashing before my eyes. And I saw things from my infancy all the way up to that moment. And I remember thinking, ‘This is too good. And I’m not ready for this. I have more to do.’ And I’m not saying that; I truly remember thinking that. And out of the distance, I heard a voice, and it was my daughter, just like the video, when you see the hand come out and grab mine. And I don’t know how to explain it, and believe me when I tell you this, I don’t think some things are meant to be explained, but my heart lit up, clenched — I could feel it — and I became mass again. And I [felt myself coming] right back into my body. Truth. And I opened my eyes, and it was wet. And I looked up and it was my daughter, holding my head [and] crying on my face. And above me were two EMTs with paddles. And I remember them asking me questions. And the very first words out of my mouth [were], ‘Please don’t tell the fans.’ Documented. My first concern was that I was going to let you down and my bandmates. Not the fact that my beautiful daughter was holding my head or that I was a fucking drunk or I just had this disease and I couldn’t fight through it; none of it occurred to me. The only thing that mattered was that you and my bandmates still had faith in me, because music is all I have; it’s my whole connection to everything.”